Difficult conversations tend to feel uncomfortable, frustrating and painful. But, they can also be very productive and empowering.

The key to having productive difficult conversations is to start with a clear and specific hoped-for outcome. For example, if you’re having a conversation about work performance, the goal should be to find a solution that works for both of you.

1. Listen carefully.

There are dozens of books on how to successfully have difficult conversations. The key is to be prepared and practice. Difficult conversations often involve conflicting feelings and perspectives. This makes it important to understand the speaker’s perspective and avoid making assumptions.

Try to share the same energy level as the speaker and listen without interrupting. It is also helpful to repeat back what they are saying to confirm that you understood them correctly.

This is a basic strategy that will prevent the conversation from veering into an argument about who is right and wrong. It is essential to focus on the issue and how it can be resolved. This is a key skill in any professional environment, as it will help you build trust and achieve results.

2. Don’t take it personally.

Difficult conversations tend to invoke strong emotions. Whether it’s a performance review or an employee feud, people will often react defensively to protect their self-image. This makes it difficult for them to accept criticism and work with the other person in a productive manner.

The key is to remain calm during the conversation and avoid taking their comments personally. Instead, focus on being objective and address how the situation is affecting you. It will be harder for the other person to disagree with your statement if it’s factual and doesn’t contain any judgement, opinion or retaliation.

It’s also important to pause during the conversation, even though it may feel awkward. This allows you to take a breath and prepare for your next response. It also throws them off guard and prevents the conversation from escalating.

3. Don’t blame.

When people have difficult conversations, they often respond emotionally. They might get defensive, self-justify, or even cry. In these situations, it is easy to blame them for their responses.

When you’re having a difficult conversation, it is important to stay neutral and avoid blame. Instead, focus on what you can control: your own behavior and actions.

THINK Faculty members Leann Moore and Dabney Brice talk about planning an approach, weighing the importance of the issue versus the relationship, and communication strategies.

4. Don’t be defensive.

Difficult conversations often go into unexpected directions. They might include criticism, arguments or accusations. Whether you’re being criticized for your work ethic, or that you don’t care enough, it’s easy to become defensive.

To avoid becoming defensive, try to stay calm and listen actively. This may be difficult, especially if you’re not used to being in these types of conversations. To help with this, try to focus on the positive aspects of the conversation. You can find some useful articles on this topic on https://www.wowessays.com/.

If you’re nervous or having trouble staying calm, consider taking a few deep breaths before the discussion. Also, don’t be afraid to use a momentary pause, which will buy you time and can throw them off their game. Just make sure to follow up with a short explanation of why you chose not to break the silence.

5. Ask for help.

Sometimes you will need to talk to someone about a difficult topic that is outside your normal comfort zone. It is unlikely that the person will be able to read your mind, so you should try to prepare for this conversation by thinking about what you want to achieve from it.

When you bring up the difficult subject, hone in on a couple of key points to avoid it going off into unnecessarily digressive territory. For example, if you’re talking to your supervisor about performance issues, don’t get redirected into an examination of your own faults in the situation.

Instead, you should focus on how to improve the situation and move forward. Be empathetic and listen actively – paraphrase what the other person says to make sure you’ve got it right.